We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
