WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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