I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
