So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
