apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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