i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
