garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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