We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize