Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
