I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
