Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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