His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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