38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
