If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
