If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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