I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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