i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize