Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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