I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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