Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
