it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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