We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
