Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
