he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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