This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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