I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
