So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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