dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
