His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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