I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
