i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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