I think i sorta joined a cult last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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