I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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