It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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