hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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