Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize