Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My ass is underappreciated
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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