remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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