I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize