You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im having a threesome with these popsicles
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
