The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
