Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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