I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
