I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
