Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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