I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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