I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize