I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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