Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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