So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
