Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
