i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
