I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
