After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
