WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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