i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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