Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
