Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
