Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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