I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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