kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
