I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As shirtless as possible
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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