so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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