Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
