He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Randomize