Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
