There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
