oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They have beer where we have blood.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
