He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
