The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize