yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
