if you like me you must not know who I am
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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