Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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