There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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