So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
