the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cannot find my penis.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
