that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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