can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
