Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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