Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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