I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
