ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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