she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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