I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
did i just pee glitter
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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