The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
love makes seman taste better
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
