turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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