worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
