Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
