I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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