I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
