and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
