he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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