Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
