What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize