had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
