i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
