do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
