I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
