I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
