I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
