I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
