Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
