Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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