she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
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