what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
